10 Sizzling Secrets of Women Who Love Sex – From Cosmopolitan.com
“I always assumed I had a pretty decent sex life — that is, until my pal Heather dished the dirt on how she and her fiancé were regularly burning up their bedroom,” recalls Justine, a 25-year-old paralegal. “Over lunch one day, she wickedly giggled that she was having incredible orgasms that gave her a round-the-clock, supersensual mind-set.” After coaxing her highly satisfied pal to spill her prized secrets, Justine felt like she had stumbled onto a sexual pot of gold. “Heather’s passion pointers have already taken my lust life from so-so to fantastically en fuego,” says Justine.
So what did Justine learn from her doing-it demon pal? For starters, mattress megaprowess has nothing to do with possessing a perfect bod or loads of experience. What Heather and other vixens do have is a sex-cessful set of 10 pleasure principles they inherently follow.
Here, Cosmo’s rounded up those randy rules so you too can become a member of the lusty ladies club — and keep your guy very, very grateful.
1. “I can switch on my sex drive.”
Sensually supercharged women don’t wait around patiently for the mood to strike. Instead, they set in motion the sex-psyching strategies that work for them every time.
“I conjure up a favorite fantasy — I imagine myself totally naked,” reveals Cassie, a 29-year-old receptionist. “Whether I’m sitting behind my desk at work or I’m at the gym, I’ll pretend my clothes are in a heap on the floor and that dozens of hungry male eyes are glued to my body.”
Another libido-lifting trick is to wake up your senses: Spritz on your man’s cologne, brush satiny fabric against your skin, or suck on some fruit. “Taking time to engage each sense — touch, taste, sound, scent, and sight — will quickly kick-start your lust drive,” advises Susan Block, Ph.D., a sex therapist and radio show host.
2. “My body is my pleasure palace.”
A desire diva doesn’t waste time fretting about stubble and cellulite or wishing she didn’t take so long to climax. Instead, she sees herself as a carnal conduit loaded with sensual capabilities. How did these chicks become so aware of their pleasure points? Chances are, they’ll credit masturbation.
To get better acquainted with your sexual self, take their cue and become your own passion professor. “My husband constantly thanks me for having such a swinging solo sex life,” says Kerry, 27, a chef. “It’s given me the chance to seek out my innermost hot spots and teach myself how to have a mind-blowing string of O’s.”
Another hands-on advantage: You take charge of your orgasmic destiny. “When a guy can’t find my G-spot, I’ll gently take his fingers and guide them,” says Christi, 32, a teacher. “He still gets to be the source of my pleasure, but I’m the one exploding with ecstasy.”
3. “I know I’m a sex goddess.”
“I usually do a little striptease before sex — first disrobing seductively in front of my guy, then finishing by shaking my butt,” reveals Rebecca, a 29-year-old therapist. Hearing that, you’d assume Rebecca has a tush as tempting as Jennifer Lopez’s. Surprise — she describes her behind as Flat City. “Long ago, I learned that men are turned on by a woman who is uninhibited about her sexuality,” she says. “My current beau would rather date a confident woman with an imperfect figure than a 36-24-36 chick who’s too timid to show her shape.”
The tricky thing about sexual confidence, as any carnal cowgirl will admit, is that you need a little to begin with before it can blossom into a natural part of your passion personality. So how do you start? “Fake it at first — that’s what I did,” admits Bari, a 25-year-old designer. “My now-boyfriend was a coworker of mine whom I had a massive crush on. So I mentally made over my attitude from mousy staffer to office tramp, asked him out for a beer, and let my inner sex goddess loose. Six months of incredible action later, I still haven’t reined in that attitude.”
4. “I speak up for myself in the sack.”
On-fire femmes know that men love to please. But even the most perceptive guy in the world won’t have your moan zones all mapped out. “I tell my partners how I want to be touched,” says Eliza, a 29-year-old psychologist. “Then I giggle and scream to reinforce what he’s doing. I let guys know how to send me soaring.”
If you’re not used to being so erotically expressive, clue in your man by praising his sexual performance. Compliment him on what he does do well, then add a subtle suggestion: “It turns me on so much when you kiss my breasts, I’d go wild if you put your hand between my legs too.”
Remember: This is the electronic age; email can also be an erotic way to detail your desire directions. “My man’s usual sex style — fast thrusting — was too rough. So I sent him a sexy message saying I was imagining him rocking me to a gentle, slo-mo climax,” recalls Marion, 24, a real estate agent. “That night, he begged me for a demo. He loved the lighter touch, and now we go slow each time.”
5. “It’s not if I have an orgasm — it’s how.”
Women who ooze erotic energy don’t view their Big O as a lucky bonus. Instead, reaching the pleasure pinnacle is their right. “Men don’t consider it sex unless they have an orgasm,” explains Maria, a 27-year-old sales assistant. “So why should I settle for almost-but-not-quite?” “I wish every woman would tattoo I deserve great sex on her brain,” says Gina Ogden, Ph.D., author of Women Who Love Sex (Womanspirit, 1999). “Sexual satisfaction is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you don’t expect to be peeled off the ceiling, it won’t happen.” So start believing that every-time orgasms aren’t elusive rewards reserved for select women — they’re yours for the taking. “Once I became confident I would be able to come, I started having earth-shaking climaxes,” confirms Stephanie, a 23-year-old teaching assistant.
6. “I’ve mastered one signature sex move.”
“Most women try to please their partners with direct below-the-belt stimulation, so I devote my time to a guy’s lesser-known erogenous areas,” explains Mary, a 26-year-old jewelry designer. Her favorite place: that fleshy, supersensual web of skin between the thumb and finger. “Most guys I’ve dated don’t even know about this hot spot.”
Lust fiends like Mary know that mastering at least one unique, naughty-but-nice move can morph you from a hot-and-heavy lover to holy moly! sex-partner status. But you don’t have to focus on his G-rated hot spots alone or a specific sexual act. Your signature style can be about invoking an entire mood: sweetly simple, daring and dirty, or pushing the erotic envelope.
7. “I get to know his secret desires.”
Sexually charged chiquitas know that ecstasy is much more exciting when you skip the paint-by-numbers passion plan. “There’s nothing hotter than getting to know your partner and finding out which unique moves get him going,” Block says. “He’ll be blown away by having a willing woman explore his secret desires.”
“Just when I think I know the best oral-sex technique, a new lover and I will discover something I’d never have thought of,” explains Christina, a 25-year-old studio assistant. “My current partner showed me how to brush a pair of satin panties against his testicles while I’m going down on him. The two different sensations drive him over the edge — I’m afraid our neighbors are going to call the police on us.”
Taking the time to experiment with new caresses and positions won’t just make your guy grovel, it’ll expand your idea of what’s sexy. Plus, you’ll be able to use your newly discovered moves to whip future lovers into a frenzy.
8. “I never let sex get stale.”
Libidinous lasses love traveling to the outer limits of lust. “Once my man and I moved in together, sex went straight from sizzling to snoozeville,” recalls Sadie, a 28-year-old editor. “While lazily flipping cable channels late one night, we caught a soft-core movie — and the on-screen action was really turning us on. Now we rent erotic videos whenever our sex life needs energizing.”
Bodacious babes like Sadie know that as soon as sex loses its erotic edge, they have to take fast action. They’ll view steamy videos, try a sex toy, leaf through triple-X magazines, act out a secret fantasy, make love in a different location, or test-drive a scorching new position — almost anything in the pursuit of greater pleasure with their partner. To keep the heat in your relationship on high, vow to sample something naughty yet new at least once a week: Surprise your guy by doing the deed in the shower, read erotic books, or duck away from a party into an empty bedroom for a mischievous quickie.
9. “I’m passionate 24-7.”
“Sexuality is a round-the-clock activity, not an isolated act you do in 20-minute stretches,” explains Dina, a 33-year-old nurse. “So I’ll get up a little early to indulge in a luxurious bath rather than a five-minute shower. Or I’ll wear silk stockings instead of drugstore panty hose.”
We’re not suggesting that silk stockings are a substitute for sizzling sex. But burning babes never separate their lust lives from the rest of their lives. “Great lovers integrate desire into everything they do so they feel sensuous all day long,” says Susan Crain Bakos, author of Sexational Secrets (St. Martin’s Press, 1996). “I love pre-sex tension and post-sex afterglow as much as I love doing the deed itself, so I’ll make these moments extra sensual for me and my guy,” admits Felicity, a 24-year-old MBA student. “Before sex, I’ll flirt with him as if we were meeting for the first time. After we’ve climaxed, we keep touching each other, basking in how good we feel. Sex is so wonderful, why should it have a clear-cut beginning and end?”
10. “Sex is at the top of my to-do list.”
Girls who love sex never make those tired, same-old excuses — “I got my period”; “I had a stressful day”; “I feel sooo fat” — for why they can’t hit the sheets. Instead, passion is number one on their to-do lists, and they know that erotic action is the best cure for cramps, stress, and the blues. “Once you put off pleasure, it becomes easier and easier to postpone, and pretty soon you’re out of the habit,” explains Bakos. “It can be hard to get back in the sexual swing of things once your sensual switches have been turned off.”
So even if you’re not wildly turned on, you’ll be doing yourself a favor by slipping into a sensuous state of mind. “When I come home flipped out from a rough day at work, sex is the furthest thing from my mind,” remarks Amie, a 27-year-old reservations agent. “But instead of shutting out my boyfriend, I’d much rather re-spark my desire by kissing his five o’clock shadow and being held in his arms. Our lovemaking that night may not be mind-blowing, but it’ll feel good — and making each other feel good keeps our bond strong.”