Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Happy Wednesday Pumps and Gloss-ers,

I am very excited about the Red Sox World Series win. Mr. Maven and I used to live in the Greater Boston area and we like to think that our presence in the region helped to turn the Red Sox and Patriots into winning organizations. Boo hiss to the Celtics and Bruins. My local teams are far superior to them.

I found this cute picture of future Boston Red Sox fans on Boston.com

New Englanders are very passionate about their sports’ teams, which means the ladies must be just as attentive to sports as the men.

I was out with my friend, LH, on a Sunday. Her fiance called in to check in with her, during his weekly football game. [That is love ] So she was resigned to the fact that her honey will be unavailable for 16 weeks plus playoffs and Super Bowl. Actually, the games are scheduled for 17 weeks (34 days including Monday Night Football and some Thursday nights) and all teams get a bye (rest) week. Thank goodness he is not into the NBA because the post-season is about 3 months. Saying all this, ladies, you must join in the action, every now and again.

Mr. Maven is fortunate that I like sports, I do not watch often because of various factors, but I enjoy keeping up with my fave teams.

Here are some tips for learning sports:

1. Watch Pardon The Interruption on ESPN. This show is one of the funniest shows on the TV. Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon are Washington-based writers that decided they needed to be on television. They also discuss popular culture topics i.e. American Idol and other popular shows.

2. Find a cute player on the team to cheer for. One of my favorites is Tom Brady. He is definitely yummilicious. I have followed his career from his time at Michigan to the New England Patriots. In football, it is helpful to check out the buttocks. Now, if your man likes hockey, the players do not look good on ice, but they clean up well.

3. Read books about the sport. Some of my friends recommend:

Get Your Own Darn* Beer, I’m Watching the Game!: A Woman’s Guide to Loving Pro Football by Holly Robinson Peete

4. Try to limit questions during the game. Take notes and ask your hubby on Tuesday. He will be pleased and will do chores around the house without being prompted.

5. See Tip 1. One cannot get enough of ESPN.

I hope these tips will help you learn more about sports and enjoy with your spouse or significant other.

Have Fun,

Mix Maven

Happy Wednesday,

I realize that all artistic geniuses are troubled, which explains Kanye’s frequent rants and why some artists consider suicide as cure all for personal angst. (Mental illness should no longer be ignored!)

Saying all that, Kanye West was a good sport for doing the skits on Saturday Night Live of his obnoxious ranting and raving. The best quote of the skit, Kanye storms the podium lambasting the children for voting for “Drake and Josh.” He screams, “how’s kids gonna get taken seriously, if they keep making bad choices. I used to believe the children were our future, but f*** that!” Too funny!!!

You all need to cop [if you have not done so already] (are people still saying cop), “Graduation”. Kanye’s sound is not formulaic compared to other mainstream rappers, he fuses hip hop and reggae, alternative sounds even has Chris Martin of ColdPlay singing the hook to one of his songs. I enjoy this album, the current standouts are “Champion”, “Good Life” with T-Pain, the MJ sample of “PYT”, which the Ladies of P&G are certified members of this exclusive club, “Everything I Am,” a heartfelt anthem about being different in the rap game, and the heart wrenching, “Bittersweet Poetry,” which features the vocal stylings of John Mayer. (The first time I heard this song, I did not realize JM was on the track.) This angst-laden song laments a complicated love affair. Mayer croons, “I don’t want you, but I need you/I love you and hate you at the very same time.”

Can’t Tell Me Nothing

Good Life

Bittersweet Poetry

Joyful Radiance, not an avid SNL viewer, decided to watch the season premiere. Her favorite parody of the night was “High School Musical 3: Return of the Seniors.” She told me that she fell off her sofa when she heard LeBron sing, “On second thought/ I think I’ll stick around/Play a little ball/And have sex with your girlfriend.” She does not want anyone to know that she will be watching more often. That is our little secret. (Shhhh)

Have an awesome week

Mix Maven

P.S.

Sexual Carob has recommend some “toys” for me to try. Will report when I return from my anniversary excursion.

You cannot say “love song” without thinking of Luther Vandross.  Here is “A House Is Not A Home.”  We miss you Luther!

We are big India Arie fans – here is “Brown Skin” (above) and “The Truth” (below).

Where is Jesse Powell hiding?  “You” is from his first cd, which was self titled.  GREAT cd for lovers.

We heard you Karen!  Here is En Vogue’s “Don’t Let Go.”

One of our P&G readers, D-Dub, requested Ruff Endz’ “Someone To Love You.”  This was, and still is, the jam!  Thanks D!

Isn’t Kindred The Family Soul a great example of love?  “Stars” is a “great celebration of love” song.

10 Ways To Love Fearlessly

By Peter Pearson, Ph.D, from CouplesInstitute.com

Let’s face it: love is messy. With its magnified highs and lows, love is unpredictable and never what we expect – so much so that we might be tempted to cower in fear. But if we approach love with the courage of a warrior, we can have relationships of heroic proportions. Here are 10 ways:

1. BE YOURSELF. If we want to be loved for who we truly are, why put on an act?

2. DON’T BELIEVE YOUR STORIES. Our interpretation of events and feelings is, in fact, just one possibility for what is actually true. Focus on what IS to get closer to the truth.

3. STAY OPEN. Fear shuts us down. But when we are vulnerable, true connection to others is possible.

4. SPEAK UP. We become silent when we desperately want to connect.

5. STOP LOOKING FOR PERFECTION. More than likely, what we call “high standards” is a mask for our own feelings of inadequacy.

6. EMBRACE THE MESSINESS. It gives us the gift of growth.

7. GET MAD. Learn the difference, though, between expressing anger responsibly and dumping it.

8. LOVE WITH NO THOUGHT OF WHAT YOU’LL GET IN RETURN. This is fearless love in action.

9. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Be accountable for your own emotions, thoughts and actions.

10. LOVE YOURSELF. Only then can you love others and be loved.

If these pointers sound like too much to take on, choose one. Keep your focus on it until it becomes an automatic reaction. Practice one a month, and your year will be full of growth.

100 Ways To Love Your Mate

By Connie Saindon of Self Help Magazine

This list is designed to be a quick check for you to review. Use it to give you ideas to maintain your relationship, to give it a positive boost or to select a holiday gift. Some couples have also used it as a request list. They have circled what they would like to have and asked their partner to do the same. Feel free to add to the list and use it again and again. Enjoy!

1. Hug them.

2. Write a love note.

3. Call them at work just to say “Hi.”

4. Give them a foot massage.

5. Tell them a joke.

6. Caress them with slow gentle strokes.

7. Go for a walk with them.

8. Send them a “happy gram.”

9. Admit your mistakes.

10. Say: “I love you.”

11. Indulge a whim.

12. Listen to them talk about an interest of theirs.

13. Be trustworthy.

14. Instead of complaining, tell them what you would prefer.

15. Look at them when you’re in a discussion.

16. Send flowers.

17. Compliment something they did.

18. Offer to help.

19. Ask them to show you how to do something.

20. Call when you are going to be late.

21. Take them out to dinner.

22. Write them a poem about how special they are.

23. Cut out a cartoon they’ll enjoy.

24. Ask them what they’d like sexually.

25. Go shopping together.

26. Take an afternoon drive.

27. Cuddle.

28. Put your arm around them in front of others.

29. Take them out on a surprise date.

30. Do something they want to do.

31. Listen.

32. Plan a candle light dinner.

33. Look at old photos together.

34. Serve them breakfast in bed.

35. Hold hands.

36. Share sexual fantasies.

37. Do a work project together.

38. Rub their back.

39. Take a shower together.

40. Carry their photo in your wallet.

41. Go away together for a weekend holiday.

42. Kiss them.

43. Smile more when you look at them.

44. Go for a bicycle ride together.

45. Surprise them with “special” attire.

46. Plan a picnic lunch.

47. Read something together about how to have a better relationship.
48. Repeat what they say before answering.

49. Say “Good morning” first.

50. Ask if they have a few minutes first before interrupting.

51. Send them a card.

52. Surprise them with a gift when it’s a non-holiday.

53. Cook them a favorite meal.

54. Try a new restaurant.

55. Ask them how they feel.

56. Let them know when you are proud of them.

57. Ask for their opinion.

58. Turn on some romantic music.

59. Dedicate a song to them.

60. Send them a balloon bouquet.

61. Watch a sunset together.

62. Play a game together.

63. Have them teach you something they know.

64. Tell them they have the night off.

65. Go to a movie they select.

66. Ask them for a hug.

67. Wear some new cologne.

68. Take them to Bali.

69. Discuss future plans with them.

70. Ask if you can help when they look sad.

71. Ask them about their dreams.

72. Meet them for lunch.

73. Enlarge a scenic photo of a place you’ve shared.

74. Give them a gift certificate for their favorite store.

75. Tell them what you like about them.

76. Buy them a new perfume.

77. Take them to a scenic spot.

78. Send them a gourmet gift basket.

79. Send them a joke card.

80. Let them know when you’ve thought of them during the day.

81. Buy them a toy.

82. Compliment them to their friends.

83. Bring them a thirst quenching drink.

84. Tell them when they look attractive.

85. Send them a post card.

86. Invite them to a secret rendezvous.

87. Give them a massage.

88. Take a lesson with them.

89. Look at photos together of when you met.

90. Plan a vacation with them.

91. Listen openly to their opposing opinion.

92. Buy them a new piece of jewelry.

93. Watch a TV show they like with them

94. Write them a letter.

95. Listen to music with them, such as an old favorite.

96. Whisper sweet nothings in their ear.

97. Tell them what you like that they do.

98. Give a head massage.

99. Invite them to a concert.

100. Let them know you care.

Who knew there was such a thing as “Christian Sex Toys” for married couples?  We have seen sex toys referred to as “Marital Aids,” but here are some sites that cater to Christians who want to keep the spark alive:

Wholly Love

Book 22

My Beloved’s Garden

Maybe these sites are in existence to attract those Christian couples who would never dream of going to a sex toy store or website.  It is ok people – it is really ok to enhance and enjoy your sex life.  Joyce Meyer once said, “I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing as tragic as being alive and not enjoying life.“  The same can be applied to our sex lives.

Here is an interesting site that discusses sexuality for married couples from the Christian perspective:

The Marriage Bed

Just so we are in the know, here are some interesting statistics about general sex toy use and sex courtesy of Babeland.com:

• 44% of women between the ages of 18 and 60 have used a sex toy
• 20% of men report using a vibrator
• 9  in 10 women report being comfortable talking to their partners about their sex toys
• 1 in 5 women report masturbating at least once a week. Of those women, almost 60% use a sex toy in their solo play
• Women who are in relationships are most likely to own and use sex toys. 78% of women who use or have used a sex toy reported being in a relationship
• Women who use sex toys report experiencing more frequent orgasms and greater satisfaction with their partners than women who don’t use sex toys
• Of women surveyed, 15-17% were under 20 years old when they first tried a vibrator, 50% were in their 20s, 22-27% were in their 30s, and 8-10% were forty and older
• People worldwide are having sex for the first time at an average age of 17.3
• Globally, people have had an average number of nine sexual partners
• Almost a quarter (23%) of adults around the world have incorporated sex toys in partner sex
• 20% of adults report indulging in kinky play, including using masks, blindfolds, or bondage
• The most common place for adults to have sex outside their bedroom is in the car (50%), followed by the bathroom (39%), parents’ bedroom (36%), and the park (31%)
• 15% of people have had sex at work, and 2% have joined the mile high club
• Globally, people have sex an average of 103 times a year

We would love to know how many Christians were surveyed.

On yesterday’s Oprah, there was a sex survey on Oprah.com and more than 14,000 people responded. When asked, “Are you happy with your sex life?”, 57 percent of women said Yes (source).  If you fall into the 43% percent category, do something to change your “no” to a “yes.”

Hey Pumps and Gloss-ers,

Before we jump into “Sex and Love Week,” please congratulate me on completing a Bachelor’s of Science-Business/ Marketing degree. The process was long and arduous, but I enjoyed every minute, even if I had frequent complaints. I want to thank my family and friends for their prayers, support and encouragement. I love you all!!

When I was a teenager the only “erotica” I could be seen reading was Songs of Solomon.

2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
for your love is more delightful than wine.

3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the maidens love you!

4 Take me away with you—let us hurry!
Let the king bring me into his chambers.

Songs of Solomon 1:2-4

I have always been interested in erotic literary works. In college, I was introduced to Noire Erotique/Black Erotica. This book is a must have!! This anthology includes prose, poetry and fiction on sex and love. One of my favorites from the book is the erotic horoscopes. (Sidebar: I am not a reader nor follower of horoscopes.) The prose describes how each sign likes to make love and what signs they are compatible with. A fun read!!

Another Book that I have is Dark Eros. This book is not as great as Black Erotica, but definitely worth the read. One of the poems in the book was written by a high school classmate. I am glad that he was able to parlay his amateur writings into published work.

These books showcase love, specifically, Black love in a more positive light. Many of the popular images (i.e. videos) turn our love into random acts of lust. Yes, we do care for and love each other.

Each book has helped to shape my view of sexuality. I learned that I do not have to settle for the virgin or slut roles. I can be lady and a freak all at the SAME time!!

Let us know some of your favorite Erotica book titles. Looking forward to your comments.

Since I love books and learning, here is my favorite songs, Teach U A Lesson, by Robin Thicke.

For all the lovers in the world, Alicia Keys’ new single, No One, Mr. Carob and I can relate to this song… Good Job, Alicia!!

Hope you are enjoying “Sex and Love Week” as much as we are.

Keep It Sizzling and Sexy,

Sexual Carob

Happy Monday Glossy Ones,

Welcome to Pumps and Gloss’ Sex and Love Week!  If you want to see something specific this week, feel free to let us know!

MONDAY MELODIES

Since it is Sex and Love Week, I will share my favorite Sex song and favorite Love song.

Usher sets the mood with “Seduction.”  I would have posted “Alone” by Jodeci or ”That’s What It’s Made For” by Usher, but I couldn’t find any video of these songs!

I will always be a fan of SWV!  I can listen to “Use Your Heart” every day.  And gotta love how Taj works her part out.

There are SO many other songs I could list – anything by Jesse Powell, Johnny Gill, Boyz II Men, Blackstreet, etc.  My current favorite song is “Valentine” by Lloyd – my husband is sick of hearing it! LOL!

POETRY- “Love” by Shihan

CHUCKLE - I received this as an e-mail forward; author is unknown.

How To Treat a Woman

• Wine Her
• Dine Her
• Call Her
• Hold Her
• Surprise Her
• Compliment Her
• Smile at Her
• Listen to Her
• Laugh with Her
• Cry with Her
• Romance Her
• Encourage Her
• Believe in Her
• Pray with Her
• Pray for Her
• Cuddle with Her
• Shop with Her
• Give Her Jewelry
• Buy Her Flowers
• Hold Her Hand
• Write Her Love Letters
• Go to the end of the earth and back for Her

How to Treat a Man

• Show Up Naked
• Bring Chicken Wings
• Don’t Block the TV

LOVE QUIZZES

LovingYou.com has wonderful printable love quizzes for you and your mate to share.  These quizzes will cause you to open up and learn more about each other.  There are 16 different quizzes ranging from Sexual Favorites to Beliefs.  A great communication tool, the printable quizzes can be found here.

JUST FOR LAUGHS

Clarence Carter’s “Strokin’” always did crack me up!  The lyrics are just too much.  And how I wish I could find “Candy Licker” by Marvin Sease - the title says it all!

ROMATIC RECIPES

Looking to set the mood right with a romantic meal?  Check out these sites for great meal ideas:

The Romantic

The Recipe Zaar

Advice Diva - She offers great tips on what qualities a romantic meal should have.

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. ~ Galatians 5:6

Have a wonderful week and look out for more Sex and Love Week posts!

~ J.R.

Hey Pumps and Gloss-ers,

Thank you for your warm birthday wishes!! I appreciate it!!!!

As fall is drawing nigh (my fave time of the year), I have been thinking about the music I discovered over the summer. I do not listen to music stations, except for Spirit (on XM) on Saturday mornings riding to church, so I depend on the Internet to find me new music.

Colbie Caillat, a 22 year old from Malibu, sings sweetly about falling in love, breaking up, the birth of a niece as well as growing up. Music is in her DNA as her dad, Ken, is a record producer, who has worked with such acts as Fleetwood Mac. (Her song, Bubbly, was the free song of the week on iTunes.)

Her voice made me of a White version India.Arie (sans inspiration). Her first single, Bubbly, from the CoCo album, reminded me of the innocence of love, even though this same love can be hot and sexy. Bubbly is an easy breezy tune that explores the quiet times shared with one’s lover.

I enjoy this album from track 1 to the bonus track Older (iTunes version). The sound is definitely a folky pop with slight ska rhythms. Now, I find it does not work well as a road trip album because the record is very relaxing. Definitely not like Norah Jones’ music, which I refer to as “sleepy time music.” Norah should be listened to, only, at home.

(Bubbly)
Sara Bareilles, another artist who had a free single of the week on iTunes, is one of my new favorites. Her sound is definitely poppy soul with jazz influences. I am kinda bummed because I could have her seen her open for Maroon 5, but I decided that I did not want to go. It is rare to have an opening and main performer that you want to see performing at the same time. (Sidebar: I showed up for an opening act, Jill Scott. Definitely worth the price.)

All the tracks on, Little Voice, are very solid and substantive. The song, Love Song, really pulls you in. Made me think, “Girrrrl, don’t write him anything!!” I like all the songs, but my fave right now is “Morningside.”

She belts:

I try to forget what you do to me but then you do it over again
I could rage like a fire and you’d bring rain
Til you get to me on my morningside

 

 

 

 

 

This is definitely a road trip CD. Keeps you pumped up and awake.

You can tell that she has been honing her craft for a long time. I love her voice because she is one of those singers that can sing anything: from gospel to rock. She knows how to command a room with her voice. I want to see her doing Broadway, maybe even a jazz cover album. The possibilities for Sara are endless.

I think she will be around for awhile, but I need to see her promoted better i.e. The Tonight Show with Jay Leno or Late Night with Conan O’Brien.

Vegas

Love Song

Remember there is quality music of every genre, so no more complaining. If you have found any up-and-coming artists that I should check out, please send me an e-mail to pumpsandgloss@yahoo.com.

Enjoy the Hump Day,

Mix Maven

Hey P&G,

Sexual Carob here with you again. Sensual Element had to attend an edible underwear conference. She does all this for you!!

A few of my married friends and I had a long discussion about “leaving the kids at the crib.” Leaving kids at the crib means husband and wife spending quality time together without the children. (Hopefully, out of the house). My friends who are single mothers or fathers seem to understand this concept. For example, MM, when given proper notice, will secure a babysitter for her two wonderful daughters. She realizes that she must make time for herself as well as her family.

A few years back, I was watching an episode of Oprah where Ayelet Waldman wrote an essay about loving her husband more than her children. (You can imagine there were some gasps and some claps.) She writes:

But the real reason for this lack of sex, or at least the most profound, is that the wife’s passion has been refocused. Instead of concentrating her ardor on her husband, she concentrates it on her babies. Where once her husband was the center of her passionate universe, there is now a new sun in whose orbit she revolves. Libido, as she once knew it, is gone, and in its place is all-consuming maternal desire. (par. 3)

I am the only woman in Mommy and Me who seems to be, well, getting any. This could fill me with smug well-being. I could sit in the room and gloat over my wonderful marriage. I could think about how our sex life—always vital, even torrid—is more exciting and imaginative now than it was when we first met. I could check my watch to see if I have time to stop at Good Vibrations to see if they have any exciting new toys. I could even gaze pityingly at the other mothers in the group, wishing that they too could experience a love as deep as my own. (par. 5)

I have seen this phenomenon all too many times. Couples who are so consumed by their children that they cannot go anywhere without them. Recently, at my cousin’s wedding, one of his friends, wife and baby drove from the Midwest to the Mid-Atlantic corner of the country. Instead of leaving the child with grandparents, who seem more than capable to look after the child, they had the child in tow. They did not get to enjoy the wedding as they were late and had to rush out of the reception to return home.

Another set, everything was about the child: the feedings were elaborate descriptions of food. “Ooh look carrots, yay carrots, what color are the carrots? Ooooh yummy carrots!!” Now, I am believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way. Oh yes, show them all the beauty they possessive inside. I know the parent did not get a chance to enjoy the festivities. But I figure that children were given to us by God to help them grow and learn. The goal is for them to become positive, contributing members of the society and independent.

One of the couples left their child at the crib. The mother had an epiphany before the journey, “my parents raised me well, they are more than fit to keep my child overnight.” This was definitely a Hallelujah moment because in that moment she realized what God wanted for the family. Mother and father must be connected to each other, the children and community.

Waldman wishes:

some learned sociologist would publish a definitive study of marriages where the parents are desperately, ardently in love, where the parents love each other even more than they love the children. It would be wonderful if it could be established, once and for all, that the children of these marriages are more successful, happier, live longer and have healthier lives than children whose mothers focus their desires and passions on them. (par. 26)

 

I wonder the same thing. A pastor said that priorities of a married couple:

1. God
2. Each other
3. Children
4. Job

He stated that if the parents are in love and keep the love ignited, the children will know and understand love.

Married couples must keep the spark alive. They must have date nights, which can include shopping for sex toys, going to a local hotel (not motel), going to the movies and so forth. These sessions should be about reconnecting and feeling each other up (maybe on the couch)

So let begin the sexual healing… awww yay baby!!

Keeping it Hot and Sweet,

Sexual Carob